Sex…the good, the bad and the ugly

Posted by Femi Awodele on November 9, 2011

The word sex invoke different meaning and passion in many people, many church folk actually think the word is a curse word and the act itself is sinful, St. Augustine one of the early Greek converts and great writer in the early church actually wrote that sex without procreation is sinful. On the other hand the secular worldview of this age (generation) suggests that sex is strictly for recreation and your imagination is the limit when it comes to what you can do with sex.

The Good …Sex is a gift of God to human for the purposes of procreation and recreation within the boundaries of the marriages institution. Sex believe it or not is holy, and it serves many good purposes within the institution of marriage.

Let us examine a few scriptures on sexual relationships,

1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”

Proverbs 5:18-19 “may your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer- may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love”… Songs of Songs – Chapters 4 and 5 It is obvious that the intentions of God for sex was and is still good and science is starting to empirically confirm the role of sex in a marriage institution.

Here is a list of what science believes sex does to the man and the woman. …Sex to Him:…It satisfies his sex drive…It fulfills his manhood…It enhances his love for her…It reduces friction at home…Ultimate experience…What he hears, sees and feels

Sex to Her Romantic prelude:…It fulfills her womanhood…It re-assures her of his love…It satisfies her sex drive…It relaxes her nervous system…Ultimate experience…Romantic prelude

The Bad …Like every other gifts/blessings of God, the devil has greatly counterfeited sex. This has worked very well because of human’s sin nature and a worldview philosophy based on the kingdom of darkness. It is important for all of us to understand that we are not sinners because we sin but because of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden, what saves us from ourselves is coming under the grace of Christ and leading of the Holy Spirit.  Tremendous studies have been done on humans and our habits, retailers know how we think, what we like, what to put in front of their door and how to keep us coming back to their stores, in the same way because of our sin nature we do things that are against what God wants especially sexually because the enemy keep using the same old tricks, “lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh and the pride of life”.

1 Corinthians 6: 13b: “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord”  Hebrews 13: 4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexual immoral”

Romans 2: 24-27 “Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator – who is forever praised. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion”

In modern terminology, we call pre-marital sex “fornication” and post-marriage affair “adultery”, and sexual immorality between the same sex “homosexuality” knowing fully well that any type of sex outside the boundary of a marriage (between a man and woman) is a sin.

What gets on my own nerves are not unbelievers committing sexual sins (that is bad too) but when the Episcopal Church, the Presbyterian Church or the Methodist church debate consecrating leadership who openly and unrepentantly practice homosexuality. We should preach to sinners and allow the Holy Spirit to effect change in their lives, we should open our churches to those who want help and seek cleansing through the blood of Christ, Jesus himself said he has come for the sick, but to adapt God’s principles and teaching to the thinking and system of this “age” is sickening. It is important for me to say that fornication between two choir members or adultery between the deacon and a church member is as much a sin as homosexuality between two un-churched people.……The Ugly…Hollywood and Media moguls are tools in the hand of the devil to promote sexual immorality to pervert sex as a gift of God. There is hardly a sitcom or movie in recent times that has no homosexual innuendo or agenda, music lyrics and kids television shows are so bad that as parents you have to preview (that’s my wife’s dept. in our home) before allowing your kids to watch. Going on-line is a chore as a wrong spelling would land you in the wrong place, the god of money is more important than the lives of our children to these media moguls who influence our culture.

We have invented pornography, from magazine to video and other addictive materials as sexual enhancement into our bedrooms and they are causing havocs in many marriages, as wives and husbands are now competing with digitally or surgically enhanced images.  We cheer for celebrities committing sexual sins and excuse them because of their good deeds, Oprah is a great lady (she has a good heart) but her living with a man without marriage is wrong, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pritt, Jay-Z and Beyonce do good works but that does not excuse their sexual immorality of shacking-up.

Our societies have lowered biblical standards or morality of absolute truth given to us in the scripture. In many cultures of the world, polygamy is accepted and the excuse I get is, what about Abraham, David and other biblical heroes? My answer has always been, the only sinless person to walk in this world is Christ, and thank God for the message of grace that He brought. The Ugly When the absolute Truth of sex given to us in the Bible is set aside and we start to define our own truth then what we have is what we hear on the various news channels every day.

Rather than teach the importance of abstinence from the day our kids are born (not just as teenagers), we tell them you can use condom, no wonder the rate of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs), abortions and teenage pregnancy are off the chart. I cringe when I hear men take young girls rape them and kill them, when adult women turn young boys into toys, when trusted people in ministry take advantage of their positions and molest young people who rely on them for emotional support.

My wife and I are going through a foster/adoption class and the teacher told a story that still gives me nightmares (almost made me give up the adoption thoughts). A young girl of five was being fostered by a nice and loving couple, they know that this young girl was molested but did not know the extent. One day the husband came back home from work early sick and announced his entrance, he told his wife and the girl that he’ll like to lie on the couch for sometime instead of going upstairs. As he dozed off, he felt someone unzip his pants and he woke up alarmed, it was the little girl and she does not seem alarmed, she calmly told him “I want to make you feel good” suggesting the perversion committed against this little soul by a crazy adult man.

May I suggest at this point here that fornication (shacking-up), adultery, homosexuality are sins just like paedophilia or other sick perversions are sins (I believe the same before God) but in our human wisdom we have redefined the truth boundaries to suit our own sin.

Solutions …We need to go back to the “gospel truth” about sex, which is that it is a blessing of God within the boundaries of male and female marriage (that is why any other unnatural pairing or relationship cannot result in procreation).…As I mentioned earlier, without a spiritual awakening and the leading of the Holy Spirit, keeping to biblical standards of sexual morality is a tough thing, that is why Christ said, we should rely on Him …John 15:1-4…Jesus said, “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.2 He cuts off every branch (branchThe “branches” are Jesus’ followers. See verse 5. ) of mine that does not produce fruit. (produce fruit Meaning the way Jesus’ followers must live to show they belong to him. See verses 7-10.)He also trims every branch that produces fruit to prepare it to produce even more.3 You have already been prepared to produce more fruit by the teaching I have given you.4 Stay joined to me and I will stay joined to you. No branch can produce fruit alone. It must stay connected to the vine. It is the same with you. You cannot produce fruit alone. You must stay joined to me.

He will supply us with the nutrients needed to bear good fruit or fruit of the spirit …Galatians 5:22…But the fruit that the Spirit produces in a person’s life is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

As parents we need to start teaching our kids the truth of the bible, rather than run away when they ask us, we need to demonstrate a godly lifestyle for our children – we cannot be baby fathers or baby mothers and expect so much from the kids without the grace and mercy of God, we cannot let our kids see us with three/four boyfriends or girlfriends within a year and wonder why they rebel. Living what we preach especially in our own marriage is the best legacy we can give to our children.

Churches need to start talking about sex the way God said it in the bible (which is a lot), if you can’t, invite me I’ll talk about it. One thing I was told long ago was to separate clear bible principles on any issues from my suggestions, we need to do that, so that church folks are not learning everything they know about sex from Hollywood.

Remain Blessed!